How Parenting Advice Can Help or Hurt Your Family
One of the greatest lessons a person can take advantage of when it comes to parenting advice relates to the style you choose to raise your child. Parenting methods often vary from parent to parent and can be influenced by outside pressures, societal guidelines, the way the parent was raised and even professional recommendations. As you become a parent or are looking to discover changes in your approach, learn from my mistakes when it comes to raising children and the opportunities you can take advantage to help you.
When I was young we still lived in an age where physical punishment was considered an acceptable means of parenting. When we ‘behaved’ all was well but when we were ‘causing trouble’ we were subject to the wrath of my father’s belt. These days, physical punishment is frowned upon as parenting advice whether you are utilizing the father’s belt or smacking the bottom of a child in public. One technique I utilized, which turned out to be a mistake, was related to the ideas of reward and discipline which worked great when my children were young but lost steam over time.
When you have a young child they are very susceptible to your influences, representing the peak of your parenting power. Many mothers or fathers embrace this style of parenting advice since children of a young age respond so positively to this method. When a child seeks the opportunity of a reward they will do anything you want in order to get that treasured item whether it is a toy, a treat, or something as simple as time to spend in front of the television. Discipline can also be affective since it represents a form of fear instituted to change behavior or halt the actions of a child.
As a child gets older your parental power begins to weaken which will often result in a decline of effectiveness from the parenting advice of reward and discipline. Children become independent and self-sufficient, meaning there are only a few rewards you can offer in order to get a different action or attitude. Ideas of discipline are now scoffed at as a tool of youth they no longer fear. Even though most parents will punish more severely because they feel desperate and don’t have an alternative, doing this will only increase the gap between parent and child. Independence becomes attractive and ideas like rewards and discipline only drive a separation between parent and child. Also, sustaining a power system (using rewards and/or punishments) will keep children dependent and/or in a continuous state of fear. In hindsight, it does not seem very sensible or logical to have used a system like that!
The reality is if you are embracing parenting advice like I did which only works for half of your child’s youth, it may be advice to avoid. I now realize how many negative issues are associated with the use of a power system. There are many, many more disadvantages than I can explain in this short article. My son is now a father and I have encouraged him to avoid my mistakes and instead seek quality advice from professionals like Laura Fobler. I have read much of her work and have strongly encouraged my children to embrace parenting ideas which create quality results rather than parenting controversy.